


he & him

by kookrapika



Category: bts, namjin - Fandom
Genre: M/M, bts - Freeform, namjin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:02:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27522736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kookrapika/pseuds/kookrapika
Summary: I hope you know that I too, exist in your worldOr, Jin tells his story on how in love he is with Namjoon.
Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, NamJin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

_He_

__

__It was the first year of college. An ocean of people, a humid place, and a noisy atmosphere._ _

__The freshies are searching for their group of friends, the ones they'll probably be with for the rest of their college years._ _

__Luckily, I already found mine. "Ready to go, Hyung?" Taehyung smiles at me, Jimin and Jungkook await for my response. In a haze I nod, and we start walking to our building. The first few weeks are really tiring, especially when you have to immerse yourself in countless interactions. Well, I don't mind these people though. They're bearable to me._ _

__There are so many people. The seniors welcoming giving out flyers, advocating, encouraging. There are so many things to do, so many things to unlock, and so many things to find._ _

__There are so many people, but what I found is you._ _

__Amidst the crazy crowd with voices interjecting here and there, I see you._ _

__You hit the school like a storm. The handsome looks and the built body are only mere things compared to the intelligence you have and your way with words._ _

__You were famous, not just because of your outer appearance but the way you made people feel. Happy, was that it? Adored? Comfortable? Or Loved? that's what they would always say. One even said that you were as calm as the sea on a serene autumn morning._ _

__It's inaudible to me. How did you manage to captivate my heart like this? The simplest things make me flutter. I see you in the corridors or I see you in the field, and I instantly gleam with joy. We've never even talked to each other. Maybe if you consider those instances that we've looked at each other coincidentally, then maybe that would count as an interaction? To me at least._ _

__It's funny too. How you were so admired that on your debate versus another school, the whole venue was packed with your supporters. Once you make a motion to speak into the microphone, cheers surrounded the whole room. I mean, who would expect that on a debate? And who would expect that I'd be one of those cheering too?_ _

__Speaking of cheering, I remember when you filled in as substitute when a member of our basketball team got injured. God, the cheer of the crowd when you entered the court was insane, that up until today I still get goosebumps. When all hope was slowly fading, and you swooped in like a fucking hero saving the day._ _

__Telling the team "Trust me." with a voice as genuine and as smooth as butter, as thick as honey. I could drown in your vocal chords._ _

__I guess the sun was in favor of you. As it shone its brightest rays kissing your skin enough to make you golden. Your brown hair proving to be perfect as it embraces the hues of the sun. Your color is my favorite color._ _

__"Look, there's your golden boy." Jimin teases._ _

__I'd never forget that day. Because when you won the game, you won my heart. Again. For the millionth time since I met you. The loudest cheers when you scored that 3 pointer that finished it all, was nothing compared to the heavy beating of my heart. You were amazing. The court filled with cheers and woos while you were carried by the team receiving enough back pats to serve a lifetime. Everybody was clapping, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin who's beside me applauding as hard as they can._ _

__Then I see you, darting your eyes to the seats where the screams come from, and possibly, delusionally, hopefully, you looked at me, didn't you? Like you were curious at what my reaction would be. But I just stood still. Not that I wasn't interested, not at all. I was just captivated. Captivated by you._ _

__I didn't know what took over me. Why I wanted to approach you, or just say something to you. I wanted to congratulate you, to give you a smile and tell you, Wow, you've done it again. I've fallen into you. Once again._ _

__But before I could part my mouth in an attempt to form words to speak, the crowd yells "Kim Nam Joon! Kim Nam Joon! Kim Nam Joon!" and you exit the room._ _

__Maybe that was a realization for me. Maybe it was a sign that I see only you in my world, but you don't even see me. That I am not the only person who admires you, who seeks you, who yearns for you. That I am only one of those many humans who feel for you._ _

__Eitherway, I just hope. I hope you know, that I too exist in your world._ _

__That was a favorite moment, in a way, since I saw you at your best. Even if it wasn't, I'd still love you anyway._ _

__Hmm... favorite moment. About favorite moments, do you remember that time at the canteen? It was a busy day, and the line was so long. Your bestfriends Yoongi and Hoseok was infront of me that time waiting too, which is why I had a hunch that you would come._ _

__Lo and behold, you did. Entering the room with a scent so intoxicating and pure, enough to tighten my throat and straighten my posture._ _

__"About damn time." Yoongi says smirking, and I try to look somewhere else. Try not to pay attention and look over my shoulder to face Jimin behind me who's giving me a knowing look._ _

__I think your bestfriends didn't like it enough that you were late because they kept on arguing you about it, that Hoseok pushed you and you bumped me._ _

__You turned around to apologize the same time my world turned when you looked at me. "I-I'm so sorry!" you bowed and I blinked a few times and breathe "I-It's fine." I squeak._ _

__I'm such a loser, as I face Jimin and he rolls his eyes at me. Probably saying, "You weak shit, talk to him." but it's not that easy. I'm not talking to just anyone here, if it were just a classmate or a random dude in the hall I'd have no problem. But it's you. You're the one I'm talking to._ _

__The line was getting shorter now, and you're the one ordering already. After this, we part ways again. But before I could even move a step forward as you were done taking your food, you turned around and gave me a smile._ _

__Shit, what the fuck._ _

__"Here," you present the palm of your hand infront of me and there was.... a candy. "Take it as a gift. A token of my apology." You smiled. And I laughed, taking the candy from you. You left after that and I left beaming the whole day._ _

__I think that was over a year ago now. Yet the packaging of that candy is still pasted somewhere in between the pages of my notebook._ _

__This school year, I believe that I got lucky again because Jimin and I decided to share lockers since it was big enough to hold both our stuff, honestly, bless the gods and angels that his locker is right next to your bestfriend Hoseok's locker. Which means that a lot of times, you're there when I'm there. It's the second year of college, and things are getting quite busy so I rarely get the chance to see you. I'm so glad that at least in the morning, or sometime within a day, I get a glimpse of you. It's enough to get me working for the week._ _

__Today was quite different however. After class, I was going to go straight to my locker and get my notebooks, but I was held by in the corridor because my classmate stopped to ask me about some school related stuff. At the corner of my eye, I see you.... standing infront of... Jimin and I's locker?_ _

__You look from behind, as if you're being wary from your surroundings. What are you doing? It seems like you're slipping paper inside. What's that?_ _

__My attention goes back to my classmate and after talking, when I look back you're no longer there already. I furrow my brows. I walk over to the locker, rolling the digit password easily. My heart stopped at what fell from inside._ _

__An envelope. My eyes widened and I immediately snatched it from the floor. It was a neat envelope. So flawlessly created with a smell so floral and sweet. I smile examining it. I turned the envelope around and to my horror, I see._ _

___Jimin_ _ _

____Jimin? This letter is for Jimin? Namjoon sent this letter didn't he?_ _ _ _

_____No. No. No. This can't be._ _ _ _ _

______I ripped open the envelope with shaking hands, pulling the letter encrypted inside._ _ _ _ _ _

_______"Jimin._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________I know this is sudden. And probably very unexpected. But you see, I've liked you for so long now. Ever since I met you. Only now did I have the guts to tell you. I'm sorry. I know it's pretty corny telling you all this through a letter, but now that you're reading this: Can you give me a chance? I would love to take you out. :)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Namjoon."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________I cover my mouth with my hand in shock. This can't be. I shove the letter into my bag hurriedly and close my locker. I can't. I can't let Jimin see this. I can't let him read this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________No. It's not that I don't trust him. I, I just think I'm scared. What if he falls for him? He's Namjoon._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Why? Why is it like this? Thousands of questions run through my head as I walk as fast as I can to my dorm. There are so many thoughts clouding my head everything seems like a blur._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Why? Why Jimin? I'm the one who has liked you ever since. I'm the one who has been there from the start. I'm the one who has been in every game, every contest, every concert you've been. I'm the one who has always been supporting you. So why?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Why do you know Jimin, but not me? Why do you see him? And not me?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________I open the door to my dorm. Pulling out the letter from my bag and reading it repeatedly, enough to memorize each word. This can't be real._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________I clutch my hand over my chest. The feeling inside feels as if I'm crumbling. Endless tears fall from my face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It hurts. It hurts so much._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Out of all the people in the world, why my bestfriend who has always been by my side?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It's wrong. I know it's wrong to hide this letter from Jimin. But I can't give it to him. Not now at least. I'll show it to him soon, I just can't do it right now. Not when it hurts so badly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________I'm sorry, Jimin. I can't let you read this right now. Please wait._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Let me gather my strength first, alright?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. him

_Him_

I remember the first time I saw you.

I mean, how could I forget, Jimin?

It was the first year of college. The crowd was suffocating especially when you get pulled from left to right to listen to some senior encouraging you to join their organization. Beads of sweat form on the side of my forehead, giving them a forced smile and a thank you, just so I can get out of their grips. 

"Can we just go now? I'm really not in the mood to entertain all these people. Plus, it's getting really smelly out here." I look to my side and see Yoongi scrunching his face looking at the people screaming their lungs out with sweaty armpits, Hoseok and I give him a laugh. 

"Yeah, we should probably find our other batchmates or something. Or see where our buildings are." Hoseok agrees and I nod, watching him as he pulls out so many cards and flyers for direction. 

As we walk through the sea of people, I see you.

"Damn, who is that?" I breathe out, as Yoongi and Hoseok immediately divert their attention to me, or to where I was looking. "Not so fast, lover boy, it's the first day of college. How about we find our class first before we go boy hunting?" Yoongi snickers. 

But how could I listen? When I see you in all your glory. Just standing there nonchalantly looking like someone who the gods used all of their sweet time to make. 

I couldn't tear my eyes off of you, even when Hoseok and Yoongi were already dragging me. 

"Shit, you guys need to help me know him." I say "For real."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Hoseok rolls his eyes.

The next day, Hoseok opens the door to my room, panting and with the biggest smile plastered in his face.

"It's Jimin!" he grins "His name's Park Jimin!"

Ever since that day, I really liked you. It's not just because of your looks, of course. As time passed I received countless information about you from people here and there, telling me how smart you were, how nice, how talented, and so many more enough that this crush of mine lasted for over a year now. 

I really wanted to introduce myself to you, to man up and ask you out. But first of all, I don't even know if you liked boys, or if you were even open with dating one. So that has been a huge barrier for me. I tried removing my feelings for you, because, I think you might find me weird.

But god, I just couldn't. You were so gorgeous, and I was so smitten.

I'd say I really am a fool, because it took me over a year to gather my strength and shoot my shot to you. 

Did you know, though, that it makes me so happy being able to see you? Seeing you in the cafeteria or the hallways is an instant adrenaline to my day. There was this one time in the cafeteria, when there were so many people and Yoongi, Hoseok and I agreed that they'd be the ones to order and I'd save our seats.

A minute later however, the two were frantically calling me to come to them in line because apparently, you were behind them with your friend. I chickened out and told them no but they were so persistent that I followed with no choice. That, and that I wanted to see you.

There you were minding your own business with your friend while Hoseok and Yoongi were teasing me with all their might, that they pushed me to get close to you. I'm sorry that I got your friend into that mess, by the way. It was really my two friends' fault.

I remember that time too, when I had a debate competition and you were there. At that time, the pressure I felt wasn't because of the opponents but because you were watching and I had to show my best since of course I didn't want to embarrass myself infront of my crush!

Luckily, we won that day.

Unluckily at the least, is that after that day, when I had a competition or any form of presentation, you were there. It's not that I didn't want you there to watch me, truly, I do! I love seeing you, because it tells me that in a way, you know me. In a way you see me, even if it's as "that guy who's always joining school competitions".

It's just that I get so nervous when I see you. I want everything to be and look perfect. 

Like, remember that time when I swooped in as substitute during our school's basketball game? In all honesty I really wasn't going to do it. I was tired from the past few days of numerous activities, not even the coach could persuade me. But when Yoongi whispered in my ear that:

"Hey, loverboy looks sad. Why don't you change his mood?" As a goddamn fool, that was enough to get me to my feet and borrow a uniform from the team so that I could play.

Luckily again, we won. I really did my best for you, and I hope you saw that. When the game ended, despite the team thanking me my eyes were in search of you.

Did you see me? I hope you did. I hope you felt that it was for you. I hope it made you happy. 

So please, don't ever make that worried face ever again. 

You know, other than that, it really makes me happy that you and your friend occupied the locker next to Hoseok's locker. He would always nag me to wait for him in the morning and I didn't comply, but when he told me that you had the locker beside him, instantly I became Hoseok's chaperone. 

It came to the point that I would be the one to get his books for him just so I could get a glimpse of you, or accompanying him as he keeps talking away while I stare at you, putting your books or getting them. 

You are so beautiful. I wonder how someone could be that captivating? It really makes my heart weak. 

Now though, even my two best friends would get annoyed, because as they were already done getting their books, I refused to allow us to leave until I see you. Things have become hectic and I'm hard headed. I'm not letting another day pass by without getting to see you.

I like you. I like you so much. I'm sorry I'm such a weakling that it took me over a year before I could even start an action to get closer to you, to talk to you, to ask you out. It's been a year now, and I like to believe that I have gathered enough brawn to approach you.

Today, I see you walking towards your locker. Alone and without your friend. There isn't a lot of people too because it's a Saturday.

It's now or never.

I walk to you, taking a deep breath. You seem like you didn't notice me which leads me to no choice but to speak.

"H-Hi." 

You whip your heard to where the sound came from. You looked so confused.

"H-Hi. My name is Namjoon." I say, giving a small smile. Mentally thinking to myself that I'm going to die.

"I know you." You answer as you once again face your locker to get your books and shove them in your bag. Then you turn around to stand infront of me. You look so serious, so unconcerned that I think all the strength I gathered to talk to you for a year, is fading at a rapid pace.

I want to back out, maybe tell you that you dropped something and that I'll be on my way.

But I'm here already, it's pointless to back out.

"J-Jimin. I'm Namjoon. I'm the one who gave you the letter. I really like you. I've liked you for so long now. I don't know how I did, but I just do. I-I want to be your friend, I want you to know me and I want to know you. S-so, like I said, I hope you could give me a chance..." 

There was a few seconds of silence, in that moment I already knew that damn, guess I'm rejected.

But unexpectedly.... you.... laughed? I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. You were laughing for a solid minute and then now you bowed your head and .... you're crying?

"W-what?" I panicked, touching the sides of your arms "D-did I see say something wrong, Jimin?"

You wiped your tears and faced me. Releasing again one final laugh.

"Do you really like me?" You asked

"What? of course. I really do." 

"As in me, do you really like me?" You ask again, pointing to yourself this time

"I really do! I'm not lying about what I feel! I like you!" 

He laughs again, and I couldn't contain myself, "Please, Jimin. Take this seriously."

"Fucking dumbass," 

"W-what?"

"My name is Jin. And I like you too."

End


End file.
